What I want vs. What I get

It all started with an awesome Christmas gift...

In May of 2011 I left the home that I had worked endlessly, it seemed, restoring, beautifying, and perfecting every little detail. My home was immaculate, aside from the dust – but I hate dusting and had hardwood floors with a forced air furnace and anyone who’s had a combination of those two things knows exactly how hard it is to keep a house dust free.

Back to my story, in May of last year, I left my granite and cherry and stainless appliance, brand new kitchen for this. Why you ask? Only a crazy person would do that! Well, let me tell you, love. Ah love. Love can make a sane person crazy and a crazy person absolutely certifiable. Love can make you leave polished granite and shiny stainless steel. Sometimes, I’d like to run Love over with a car, then back up and run it over again just for good measure.

I had been thinking for some time how I could possibly rehab this kitchen that love made me have, wondering how I could make it even remotely functional. It’s rather large and having just remodeled a kitchen not that long ago, I knew that a complete remodel was out of the question. Not only do I not have the money right now, I just don’t have the “testicular fortitude”, as my ever so eloquent older brother would put it, to pull off such a huge project at this time.

Kitchen Nightmare

Sitting in the living room, watching a movie, researching storage ideas on the web, facebooking, playing two different word games on my phone, drinking coffee and furiously brainstorming what I could possibly do to make the exceedingly unfortunate (unfortunate is a word I like to use for ugly, it just sounds so much nicer) kitchen at least functional, I had an epiphany.

Within minutes I had a list in hand and was off to my favorite store – Lowes. Home Depot is a close second, but I don’t like their orange vest/apron thingies, even though in my almost entirely black, gray and white wardrobe, orange is a color I will actually wear.

I’m odd, this will become more evident.

My trip to Lowes was immediately successful in that I found the hinge to the missing cupboard door. This bode well for the rest of my excursion and I held out hope as I walked to the “Storage” isle. I found what I was looking for right away but had to ask an “associate” for help when I couldn’t figure out how something went together and didn’t want to break it to make it work then be stuck with it. Figured I’d let her break it – luckily the first associate was able to call another associate to assist me in cutting shelving to the right length. And here I thought I’d be hunched over the front porch stairs with a hacksaw for hours. Awwwwwwe, bummer. As it was, I forgot to have Second Associate cut one of the top rails and ended up over the sink, hacksawing away for what seemed like a goddamned hour, when in reality it was only a couple of minutes. But, I hate the hacksaw, I feel as though it has something out for me and as such, never works as it should. It bends, it binds, it slides about and never cuts a straight line and usually ends up chewing some piece of my hand off in its ruthless fury for a blood sacrifice. I was too lazy to go to the garage, having already been there once to retrieve the drill, to get a metal blade for the Sawsall, and pulling out the Sawsall for a single one and a half inch rail seemed like a bit of overkill. But, the Sawsall loves me, and I it – we have history.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand back on topic. Left Lowes, made a bee line for the fabric store. When I left the house I had a theme in mind, bees, honey, country kitchen type thing. Why? Oh, cuz there is a Winnie the Poo cookie jar that my boyfriend keeps – not sure on the story, but it’s been glued back together a few times. Once at the fabric store I realized this was not going to be as successful as Adventures in Lowesland and decisions would need to be made. AAAHHHHH!!! I hate making decisions, well I do and I don’t, I suck at them and then I’m great at them. I’m a perpetual contradiction of myself. Like, I don’t wear color, black, white and gray it is – but I’ll make concessions for orange? What the hell is that about? If someone, like me, fears color in their wardrobe wouldn’t the logical choice to be to add a navy blue, or a deep purple (which I also allow, periodically)? But nooooOOOOoooo, orange it is. Weird. Then again, I just am.

Back on topic! The fabric store offers a wide variety of decision making dilemmas. I went with a plan, plan did not work out, on to Plan B – but I didn’t come with one. Going back to the country cute kitchen idea I thought I could pick two colors, make the fabrics look “quilty” adding to the country cute theme. I really really wanted to go black and white, it physically hurt me to look at other colors but, I picked two patterns of blues and whites that went together in a quilty way, set them on the cutting table, waited, cutter guy was helping someone else, more than 30 seconds elapsed so I was off looking at blacks and whites again. Found, brought THOSE back to the cutting table. Cutter guy was helping someone else again, this time a lady with really really badly lined lips and I wanted to tell her, but you know, that’s just not nice and she seemed like she was, but still – it was real bad. Lip Liner Lady distracted me enough that I was actually able to wait and make a solid decision on the fabric and I went with the blue and white because it seemed more “Country Cute” and the black and white were, well, modern and more me. But, this wasn’t about me. It is, but it’s not.

I ran home with my loot in tow and after several trips back and forth from car to house and house to car I had my work laid out for me. I wanted this to be a surprise to the boyfriend so I ran upstairs to see if he would be coming down any time soon, he was in fact getting ready to leave (perfect) so I asked him to wait while I covered my haul with a sheet lest he figure out exactly what I was up to. I asked how long he’d be gone, he said about 2 hours and asked if I would be done by then. I said that was an optimistic estimate, he said his was too – perfect again. I practically shoved him out the door, say Iloveyou, callbeforeyoucomehome. And got to work.

First order of business: find that pesky hacksaw. Actually, take photographic evidence because no one (that actually knows me) will believe the wreck that I’ve been living in for the past seven plus months. Then go find the hacksaw.

Hacksaw, I’m going to call him Beelzebub or BeBub for short, was in the basement, I hate the basement – earlier that morning I had to torch a spider that was hanging in the entryway blocking me and the Christmas decorations from going down the stairs. Going down my hands were full, if he’d have just moved while I was down there he would have been home free. But, forcing me to duck going down and on my way back up so I didn’t get spider in my hair was just too much. Sorry spidey, but this is my house.

Once BeBub had it’s blood sacrifice, and the boyfriend had made a trip back having forgot something, me having to run something outside to him so he wouldn’t come in and see what I was doing, I measured and leveled and attached and drilled and did all the fun stuff that I love to do. I really do love this sort of thing, as much as I love quilting, or making stained glass. See, perpetual contradiction.

I used all the parts I had, noted that I had some “extras” and was also short a few due to last minute change in the design and functionality. I need to run back to Lowes, but I also need to call the boyfriend and make sure he’s not on his way back. Ringing, ringing, ringing, to voicemail. Try again, same result. So I send a text saying I have to run to Lowes, please don’t be on your way home. I grab my extras for exchange, my list for additional items and take off. I get to Lowes, I don’t have my wallet – in my hurry to get out the door so I could get back so boyfriend wouldn’t see, I forgot to grab my wallet. Arrrrggggg. I’m driving the boyfriends truck because he took my car and the truck is on “E” with the fuel light blinking at me like a demon in the dashboard. Completely distracted and in a hurry, I overshot my street and ended up a block over, no worries, I’ll just put gas in the truck so the demon stops flirting with me, pull up, stop, oh crap - I don’t have my wallet. Drive back to the house, run in, grab wallet, head back to the gas station since Truck seems to be complaining rather obviously about its empty belly. Just feet from the gas station, literally a few truck lengths away, Truck stops. Just stops. A couple seconds later starts back up, as if to say SYKE!!! and I slowly, barely pushing the gas pedal work my way to the pump. Ahhhhh crisis averted.

Got to Lowes, exchanged my extras, picked up my additions and headed home. Got a call from the boyfriend saying he was on his way home and wanting to know if I was done. NO I say, NOT DONE! So he says he’ll try to find somewhere to go for a bit, but he’ll let me know. Not long afterward I send him a text saying, I’m missing two parts still so I am done for the night, he can come home – with the obligatory frownie face included to portray my unhappiness with the situation. He says he’ll be home shortly so I got to work on the sewing part of the project.

I still have some work to do, but I’m not that far from having a completely functional kitchen.

Did I mention that I started this at three in the afternoon? I was cleaned up and ready for bed by nine-thirty.

Before - not even room for my awesome Christmas present!

After - room for The Awesome and then some.  I still have some work to do to finish the lower cabinet drape, but this is an excellent start.

Where oh where did the microwave go? and the coffee maker?

Up - the microwave went up

Before - all kinds of Un-Awesome

After - "Coffee Station" in the corner

Ugh, seriously?

After - It's not "designer" by any means, but note the return of the Prodigal Cabinet Door...

So while my kitchen may not be this:

Want!

At least it is no longer this:

And while what I want and what I get are two VASTLY different things, at least my kitchen now functions as a kitchen.  I have a little work to do to finish up, but will probably get that done tonight and will post a final pic.